I’m staying in a house that overlooks the San Francisco bay, with Fort Mason on one side, and the ancient church on the hill at the other side. I don’t know its name yet but I already imagine the life when Spaniards held the city, with galleons arriving to the port, not too much different from today’s – young men with and without prospects hoping to make it, finding loves, families, friendships and finally deaths here, or anywhere in the country. And this is what I want to see when I travel through USA – I want to see them, listen to the stories of their lives.
And so vast and terrible it is, that I believe men must go mad when they pass their lives in it. And I see that is the life-less emptiness in which great part of the westerners spend their lives. But the family and other ‘would-be’ solutions from other parts of the world don’t seem to cut open either. So terrible, empty is the inner life of men…
This morning I have realized why I don’t feel well in my current house and in some other places. There are differences of attitudes that could be expressed as (1) OK, if you want to do something, fine with me. or (2) I don’t trust you are telling me the truth.
I have observed that many people are primarily in the second mode nad I think it is because they know they are willing to trick and cheat on other people (so they are aware that other people could do the same to them). The thing about mistrust seems to be deeply engrained in our societies (and it is infecting me too, as I’m discovering). Because, so they say, if you trust too much, people will take advantage of you – so will say the naive observer, not knowing the difference between causality and corellation – but the price for this cleverness is high. I have to pay (personally) with bad mood, negative feelings. Mistrust is a cleaver plague